I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
