Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
