he shaved USA in his pubs
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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