Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
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URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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