I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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