I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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