we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
