but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
