put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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