Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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