So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
