I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
