She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
