i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
