Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize