At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I need to align my fucking chakras
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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