I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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