We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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