So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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