Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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