I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
even my farts smell like vagina
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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