Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
