i was born a porn star she said
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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