So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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