i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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