Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
