definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
