I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
