i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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