why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
