pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
