The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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