seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
