it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
