he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
