The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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