i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
