she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize