the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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