Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm always down for nudity.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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