i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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