just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
