garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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