i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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