Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
