we have pet lesbian snakes
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
