I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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