no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
