Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
