HIV tests are more positive than that guy
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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