Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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