I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
