i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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