yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
