jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
