You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
not ubering you a puppy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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