Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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