Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
