I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
