u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
