My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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