i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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