i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
