Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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