Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
