i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
