I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
