She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
