Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
