Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
