My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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