VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
