I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
