it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
