I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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