genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
